To Deal Or Not Deal With Emotions. That Is The Question.
An emotion, or feeling, is simply a vibration in our body that feels comfortable or uncomfortable. Those uncomfortable emotions don't feel good so we typically do one of the following things:
1- React: we act out how we feel by yelling, screaming, crying, etc.
2- Avoid: we don't want to feel the emotion so we go do something else instead. Some examples include: eating when not hungry (I am looking at you Peanut M&M's), Netflix marathons, scrolling social media, shopping aka retail therapy, cleaning like a crazy person, working more, over drinking, drugs, pornography or other forms of escape.
Some of these behaviors create an unwanted result when we are done; a net negative.
3- Resist: sweep the emotion under the rug and pretend it is not there.
WHAT WE RESIST PERSISTS. The emotion doesn't go away. Resisting actually creates tension, like pushing a beach ball under the water, and perpetuates the emotion.
These first three options are ways we don't have to feel our emotions. I don't know about you, but I am pretty good about NOT feeling my emotions. Let me share a final, more useful approach
to emotions:
4- Allow: Let it be there. Recognize the emotion. Give it a name. "I am feeling _________."
With emotions we want to NAME IT TO TAME IT.
Observe the emotion with compassion. Instead of trying to get rid of the uncomfortable emotion, breathe into it, open up to it, move toward it.
Sometimes I think of my emotions as a visitor. Think of having the uncomfortable emotion come in and sit next to you on the couch and allowing it to stay. “Hello anxiety, I see you. Come on in and have a seat. Can I get you a drink of water?”
In my next post, I will share my very favorite tool for allowing emotions. It is out of this world!
Are you struggling with grief, anger, resentment, or any other uncomfortable emotion? Are you trying to move past those emotions in your mixed faith marriage? I can help you. Email me for a free consultation.
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